In the Touch Academy a question that is often asked is one that sounds like:
'What if my body feels a big yes to being sexual with someone, but my mind has a lot of reasons why I shouldn't or my heart feels this is not what I really want?'
I want to share a little bit about my view on this with you.
Maybe it brings more clarity to you as well.
This question has been a huge learning and transformation for me in the past years.
Where I first mostly followed my mind and ignored my gut feeling a lot of the times, I switched after my divorce to radically just following my body.
Which both didn't make me happy, healthy and in alignment in the end.
What I've learned and really works for me now:
To me all 3 centers (head, heart and belly) with the brain centers and nervous pathways that are connected to it have to give a yes, before a yes is a yes to me.
So I want 3 yes's:
Belly/ Womb: Yes
Everything else is a 'No'.
A yes from the body without the agreement of my head and heart tells me something about the needs of my body. I might feel a need to express my sexuality, have a need for intimacy, touch, being appreciated or any other need.
It is a signal to listen to.
I have a look then how I can fulfill that need in a way that my head and heart also can give a full yes.
I've noticed in experiences where I just followed my body and ignored the safety my mind was asking for or ignoring the longing of my heart for love/ congruity/ integrity, it didn't feel good in the long term.
I could really enjoy the experience in the moment, but in the days afterwards I felt like shit.
I think that is because I wasn't in complete alignment with myself as my head and heart also belong to me and play an equally important part in my whole system functioning well.
If I ignore parts of myself to fulfill the need of another part, I leave myself in the cold.
I'm not taking care of myself then.
So what to do then?
This is what I do:
If my body has a big need and my minds objects, I will ask my mind:
'What would you need to be able to give a yes to this?'
And maybe even:
'My body really needs this, how can we fulfill this need of the body?'
So I ask my mind to get involved to find a solution.
We work together, instead of one part keeps fighting the other part.
My mind is usually amazingly resourceful to find solutions when it feels heard and respected. My mind then shifts the thinking in a solution based direction very quickly.
I hope this helps you as it has helped me to get more clarity on this complex system of being human. <3