I was talking to a friend about Radiance the other day.
Do you know people that always seem to sparkle and shine? That bring their messages with glitter and glam and a ‘life is amazing’-attitude?
I’m not one of them.
I've never been.
Sometimes I wish I was.
I do feel that energy once in a while.
But glitter and glamour is not my middle name.
I heard a song* this morning and I had a clear moment.
I felt a strong, radiant energy, but in another, darker, more grounded kind of way,. Not the bubbly, glittery and sparkly energy I associate with radiance and I realized:
Yes, when I do shine, I shine strong. Sparkles jump out of my eyes like firework.
I can light up a room with that. My eyes can lit a fire. My spark is strong.
But that sparkle can only shine so strong because it is in contrast with this immense darkness that I carry as well, underneath that sparkle.
A heavy, black darkness that is shiny, dazzling. alluring and illuminating as well, but still... very, very dark.
And it is quite a challenge for me to stay in my center at times, to stay in that small dot of lighting fire in the middle of that ocean of darkness. To not have my light been swallowed completely.
My light needs to be fed, nurtured and protected to able to stay alive, even if only a tiny flame is left. Not to become overwhelmed, crushed or dimmed by never ending dark waves, moving in and out of me, like the tides.
I need a very strong anchor in my body to keep me there, in this body, in this thing called life.
My body needs to be strong and healthy if I want to stay alive.
So any time you see a deep, strong light in my eyes, remember that it comes with counterpart. It is a beautiful gift that comes with a high price.
My light can only be perceived this bright because of the contrast, that deep, dark, dazzling ocean of black that serves as a projector screen for the light to be seen upon.
It takes a strong dedication and a lot of courage to keep my inner flame alive and not have it swallowed by that immense and powerful darkness.
It is a constant journey of appreciating and welcoming both the dark and the light, seeing the value of both, experiencing how they complement each other and keeping them in a healthy balance.
Uniting them takes patience and asks of me to pull out all the compassion, grace, courage, and love I can find somewhere deep down inside of myself and let it carry me, lift me up and protect my inner flame while nourishing my darkness at the same time.
with love, Marielle
* The wolves have returned by Nahko, Trevor, Xavier, Leah & Joseph