I'm going to a festival today.
Sounds fun, right?
But it isn't that simple to me. My nervous system is easily disregulated and it takes conscious effort to regulate it. Some people might call me sensitive, others would call it introvert, shy, complicated, distant, empathic or any other label that sooths them. To me understanding why my nervous system craves safety and goes into alarm with every sign of non-alignment in others, myself and the environment has helped me to feel compassion for myself and others.
Such a sensitive programmed nervous system comes with challenges, many of them. And it also comes with gifts. I see, feel and notice a lot. I learned to take time to take care of myself and my need for comfort, safety, regulation and selfcare. So I got up early this morning, just for me.
So dealing with my nervous system while also having a personality that loves new things, excitement, playing can bring up quite a challenge. So I decided to offer a workshop on this festival. As an experiment. Because I'll be without many of the things that usually give me a feeling of safety while offering a workshop. So a big deal for my nervous system. Now and then I try these things that are a big challenge to me. Sometimes it turns out great and sometimes it takes me days or even weeks to recover and regulate myself again.
So Yes, I am extremely sensitive and vulnerable, more than many people around me. And yet another part in me is fierce, resilient, strong and daring, also more than many people around me.
I take both those parts (and a few more) with me today to play.
After the Festival:
So how was the Intimacy festival?
Remember my post about how going to a festival sounds a lot of fun but has a big impact on me? I feel like sharing about my experience afterwards as well.
Have I’ve been overwhelmed? Yes, at times. Especially in the beginning. So many faces, so many people I didn’t know. I started participating in a lovely yoga class (and that means a lot as I usually are not a big yoga fan) but felt halfway I had enough. So I left the class and explored the building a bit while most people were attending workshops. Nice and quiet, my cup of tea. ;-)
So after lunch we had the official opening ceremony which was beautifully guided by Wilrieke and Kees. It gave me the opportunity to let some of my playfulness out and have some fun. A great antidote to a stressed nervous system.
Immediately after the ceremony my workshop started. A lot of people were already in the room. Mm… I didn’t expect so many. Should I put a maximum to the number of participants that can come in? I couldn’t decide, so they kept coming in. And I took a few breaths... I also felt excited... Wow... so many people that are interested… How cool is that. So I decided to let everyone in that wanted to. I let someone count later and it turned out there were 60 people in the workshop. Wow... Happy that I didn’t know that before. ;-) I totally enjoyed the 1,5 hours we had together. I loved guiding the people through waking up their hands, doing the 3-minute game, sharing some of the experiences and explaining a tiny bit of the theory behind it all. I did it! Without feeling rushed because of the time. People seemed very happy and touched. Yay!
I wanted to participate in a workshop afterwards because there were so many fun options but I could feel that would be too much. So, I skipped that part and instead challenged someone into a playfight so I could let go of some steam. After a great fight and an injured knee, I had some lovely conversations, a nice dinner, nourishing cuddles and sweet connecting moments and went home feeling grateful for the day, looking forward to a hot shower and my bed.
So, would I do it again? Yes, definitely, it was worth the challenge. Thank you to all the lovely people I met in one way or another and to the great organizing team. <3
Thanks Bartjan de Bruijn for the great pics.